A quick editor’s note before we get underway: In a recent edition of Dirt Nap, I referred to Fr. Dan Riley, ofm, a Franciscan friar at St. Bonaventure University. Last week, the college announced that Fr. Dan passed away after a short illness. He was 81.
Plenty of my friends have written remembrances of Fr. Dan, as they enjoyed relationships with him. I can’t offer much beyond the superficial; he was a greater presence on my college campus than any professor, athlete or administrator. His is a loss that is felt by thousands of people who encountered him over the years at the college and in the community.
There is a rare collection of souls who shine the light of the spirit they believe in, as if they were a prism refracting their love for their fellow human and devotion to their beliefs into a colorful magnetic pull. That was Fr. Dan Riley. You didn’t have to be devoted Catholic to appreciate mass with him; you just had to be open-minded enough to listen.
I mean, there is shit that I thought would do really well that posted average numbers. There were entries that I thought were merely good, which put up solid readership.
I had a back-and-forth with A.J. Daulerio of The Small Bow about looking at the stats tab in Substack, but not living and dying by it. His point was to look but not let it dictate what you write about or how you write. Building a community of loyal readers is what is important and you do that through a regular cadence of publishing. It’s why there is a post every Friday. It might be an AI image of me floating down a river announcing a break. It might be an essay about my mental health. It’s the roll of the dice you’ve taken over the past year.
And, yes, it’s been a year! Well, almost. Dirt Nap came to be on August 4, 2023. Let’s blame the leap year for our early celebration.
I don’t know what I was hoping to achieve in the first year of Dirt Nap, other than to still be writing it. Now is as good of a time as any to thank the people who provided encouragement over the past year:
, ’s A.J. Daulerio, Scott Janssen, and my wife, for starters. I want to thank all of the people who have made contributions through Griever’s Digests, Q&As or essays.Dirt Nap continues to grow because everyone feels grief, whether they accept it as that or not. There is a loose community of people reading these words who have a shared experience of dealing with loss. I’m glad I’m able to help bring all of us together.
So, like any good anniversary episode, let’s do a clip show! Here are the 10 most popular posts from the past year:
A two-parter on men, mental health and grief, featuring a lengthy interview with author and social worker Scott Janssen.
The kickoff of my career grief series that included Q&A with my friend Amy Moritz about leaving a career in journalism.
comes in with an essay about the difficulties of family and a reminder that grieving looks different for everyone.
“What I am experiencing with my loved one right now is very similar to grief. It’s watching the loss of a person as you know them, yet they are still here. It’s losing what you know they can become and what you envision them becoming. The pain of that is very relatable.”
The death of a parent is a singular loss, because no one will experience it the way you do.
“The regrets are deep and my 25 years in education followed the five stages of grief. First it was denial, and then anger and bargaining took turns for about 10 years. The last decade has brought depression and, finally, acceptance.”
Because no one can prepare you for the first holiday after a loved one dies.
Grieving the loss of a relationship, whether a friend or spouse, is an important step in healing and honoring yourself.
And finally,
Thanks for coming along for the ride. We’ll be back next week.
Dirt Nap is the Substack newsletter about death, grief and dying that is written and edited by Jared Paventi. It’s published every Friday morning. Dirt Nap is free and we simply ask that you subscribe and/or share with others.
We are always looking for contributors and story ideas. Drop a line at jaredpaventi@substack.com.
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If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or chat live at 988lifeline.org. For additional mental health resources, visit our list.
Hooray! This is awesome Jared.
Congratulations, Jared!!! Thanks for Dirt Nap, and for being such a descent human being.