The One About After Death Communication and Mediumship
The One About After Death Communication and Mediumship
Why do we laugh at mediums but revere clergymen for doing the same thing? Plus, a conversation with a medium.
Ed. Note: This edition of Dirt Nap was published on Sept. 26, a Thursday. Usually, Dirt Nap comes out on Friday. It appears that I carelessly misread my calendar and scheduled the wrong date. My apologies for the inconvenience. Carry on…
I suspect that I have been to a Sunday service at a protestant church at some point in my life. It was likely with the family of one of my uncles on my father’s side, the result of a Saturday evening sleepover with my cousins and a promise to drop me off afterwards. I don’t have any memory of it, but I bet it happened.
Taking away weddings and funerals, my life has been pretty sheltered from a religious aspect. There’s been a lot of Catholicism, a sprinkle of non-Catholic Christianity and little else. I’ve never been inside of a temple or mosque. My immediate family never attended church services with my non-Catholic side of the family (my father’s parents and one brother are Pentecostal; my father and other uncle…aren’t.). It’s just not what our family did.
I mention all of this to say that I don’t know what happens outside of the warm embrace of the Pope’s long-reaching arms, so my perspective is pretty narrow. What I do know is that mass involved a lot of praying. No one really ever explained who I should pray to. Jesus Christ, God, Mary…I’m not sure it mattered, as long as we were praying. Asking for forgiveness. Imploring someone to not sentence me to a life of hellfire and damnation for sinning1 or begging for the homily to be short so I could get home and play my Nintendo.
There were also the feast days, where we would pray to saints. Those saints play an interesting role in the life of a Catholic. You’re supposed to pray to St. Christopher before you travel and St. Anthony if you lose something and…well, you get it. You ask a saint assigned to your particular situation for help or protection or guidance or whatever in the moment, and cross your fingers that they come through.
In a lot of ways, Catholicism is the original Spiritualism. We sat in our pews or knelt before our beds, and talked to the dead2. Some believe that prayers coming true are a response and validation to their beliefs and acts. You talk to the dead, usually to request something, and it sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn’t.
A priest stands before you in church and tells you what they believe the dead people said or meant. There’s no truth; there’s simply interpretation. Broadly speaking, Kenneth Copeland, the Crouchs, the Grahams, and others have built multi-million dollar empires by talking to God or Jesus, and selling their particular brand of religion to their television viewing audiences. They talk to an all-knowing presence or a dead person and tell you what was said.
(An aside: It reminds me of an episode from the fourth season of M*A*S*H called Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler. In it, a soldier comes to the hospital believing that he is Jesus Christ. Sidney Freedman3, a psychiatrist, asks the Cpt. Chandler/Jesus if it’s true that God answers all prayers? He answers yes, with a long pause, before saying that “Sometimes the answer is no.”)
Religion is regarded as perfectly normal in this regard. So, why do we look down our noses at mediums for doing the same thing?
Mediums, by definition, are people who can communicate with the spiritual world. They channel the spirits of the dead and act as a vessel to the living. Sounds a lot like what I grew up with.
What Do Mediums Do?
Spiritualists believe that even though you might die, you continue to evolve and exist on the same plane. Your body was simply a vessel for your spirit. Mediums — individuals who can communicate with these spirits — are the communication link between living beings and living spirits.
Mediums fall into two camps, according to Spiritualist practice. Physical mediums allow spirits to channel their bodies in order to communicate, using knocking, bell-ringing or other tool to produce answers to questions. During seances, the medium is said to fall into a trance where the spirit controls their mind (and body, presumably). Mental mediums sit with you and listen or sense what is happening in the spiritual realm and share it with you.
I’ve had my tarot read before and that was fun; almost predictive, but if you generalize a card from a deck widely enough, your experience will likely be caught in the net. I’ve never visited a psychic, nor have I ever consulted a medium4. I would imagine that you need a healthy suspension of disbelief before walking into a meeting with a medium, otherwise what would be the point? If you’re not going to at least remain curious or participate, it seems like a foolish spend. Just give me the money and call it a day.
The two most famous mediums in popular culture are more infamous than anything. John Edward gained fame in the 1990s from his books, charismatic presence and supposed ability to communicate with the other side. I say supposed because there are plenty of accusations of fraud. In one instance, following the attacks on September 11, Edward was to host his daily talk show with victims’ families. It came out that producers had handpicked the audience and participants, which meant that Edward could know the backstories (or be fed them through an earpiece). The show was canceled after a massive public outcry accusing Edward of exploiting the families. He continues to tour.
Theresa Caputo seems to built a career off guessing wildly, or cold reading, her audience by asking a bunch of questions rapid fire to see where one lands. Inside Edition, the veritable bastion of journalistic integrity, broke her shtick down. She seems like a series of unforced errors trotted out on stage. She also continues to tour with her traveling roadshow after 14 seasons on TLC with her show Long Island Medium.
The Birth of Modern Spiritualism
While people have tried or are said to have communicated with the dead since ancient times, the modern movement was born in the 19th century in, wait for it, Upstate New York.
Maggie and Catherine Fox grew up in Newark, N.Y., about an hour from where I sit, in what was purported to be a haunted house. The Fox sisters perpetuated the myth by cracking their knuckles and joints to give the house the noises of life. When a man was murdered in their home5, they were sent to live with their oldest sister, Leah, who lived in Rochester6. The noises followed them.
Leah’s friends, a radical Quaker couple, became convinced that Maggie and Catherine were imbued with the ability to communicate with the beyond. They were invited into the Quaker community, where they held seances and acted as a bridge to those who had died.
Their ability to communicate with the beyond attracted attention from beyond the Quakers. Upon a trip to New York in 1850, they conducted a séance that attracted Horace Greeley, James Fenimore Cooper, Sojourner Truth, and others.
Kate and Maggie would later admit that their powers were made up. Though they copped to being frauds, it didn’t matter. The Spiritualist movement had been born7.
While the Fox sisters attracted celebrities to their seances, the most high-profile believer in mediums resided at the White House. Mary Todd Lincoln, First Lady and wife of Abraham, was history first true believer. After William — the Lincolns’ son — died in 1862, she hired a medium to conduct seances in the White House.
I suspect that, at this point, you might think that I believe spiritualism and mediums are bullshit. I don’t because, frankly, I have no idea. Much in the same way there are people that genuinely feel imbued by the spirit of God or Christ or other deity, I’m willing to believe that there are people who believe they communicate with spirits.
I also think that there are people willing to take advantage of others, capitalizing on pain and suffering, and that for every Joel Osteen or Benny Hinn, there’s a John Edward or Theresa Caputo.
So, I thought it was important to talk to a medium and learn more.
Dirt Nap Q&A: Marina, The New York Medium
Marina, who goes by a single name professionally, is a New York City-based medium who does consultations and tarot readings via Skype or from at her space near Lincoln Center in Manhattan. She was kind enough to answer some of my questions.
I’m sure every medium’s experience is different, but how did you learn that you could communicate with those who have died? Is it a light switch sort of moment or something that you eased into (or eased into you)?
Light switch does not even begin to describe it. I led what most people call a “normal” life — corporate world, kids, climbing the proverbial career ladder, etc. I considered myself spiritual, without fully understanding what that meant. Most things esoteric or ‘parapsychologica’ were as far from my mind as climbing Mt. Everest, which is to say REALLY far. And then during a normal massage in a normal spa, on what seemed like a normal morning, I heard the other side. To be sure, I didn’t at first understand that it was the other side. But the other side was quite persistent in letting me know that the information needed to be passed on to my masseuse. I did. She cried. I gasped. That was the beginning.
How exactly did you cope with this discovery? I mean, it must have been sort of startling to learn this about yourself. Did it take some research and learning to understand what you were experiencing or did it all sort of just fall into line and make sense?
My first reaction was to check myself into a mental institution; more specifically it was my family’s reaction. Then, I started thinking that schizophrenics hear voices that talk to them and tell them what to do (at least that’s what I read). I never heard voices the same way I hear people. It was different. Besides, these voices never had messages for me; it was always for others.
So I did two things: I found places where people like me can develop their gifts: weekend courses, seances, etc. I also read A LOT: memoirs of other mediums, eastern philosophy, western philosophy, past life regressions, near death experiences, The Books of The Dead (both Tibetan and Ancient Egyptian). There are many different thoughts and perceptions on life and death, and I needed to understand them all in order to formulate my own 360-degree perspective.
It took me over two years to actually call myself a medium. I felt that as a newcomer, I don’t have that privilege. But after a little while, I was doing readings for anyone who asked (that was a lot) and they called me a medium. So, after some time of holding two full-time jobs (working full-time and doing free readings afterwords), I needed to make a choice. I decided that most people can be taught certain traits needed for the corporate worlds. Few people can be mediums. So I took a leap of faith and became a medium.
From your perspective, what does it mean to be a medium?
To answer it in the simplest way possible, being a medium is being a messenger the living and the ones that have passed over. Nothing more. I am able to pick up frequencies that my clients can’t. I’m there to help them hear what their loved ones have to say.
My questions are coming from a place of naivete, so please bear with me. Can you control whether you are in “medium mode” or are you always on?
I had that problem when I first became a medium. I heard voices everywhere: subway, restaurant, theater, etc. I had an almost physical need to walk over to people to whom these voices were meant and deliver messages. The first thing I learned in “medium school” was to keep that at bay. I also think it’s intrusive and in bad taste to ambush people who are not asking for a reading. So no, I no longer am in a constant “medium mode.” I do have rare instances of urgent messages, but these days they are mostly for people I know.
What’s your opinion of the John Edwards and Teresa Caputos of the medium world?
I have read John Edward’s memoirs when I was developing my mediumship. I have a lot of respect for his work and would love nothing better than to have a reading with him.
What does it feel like to connect and communicate with someone that has crossed over? Is it like a presence where you feel someone is with you? Is there something biological that happens to you?
That is EXTREMELY difficult to describe. I am mostly clairaudient. That means I mostly hear things; words, sentences, etc. At times, they show me things like symbols or vignettes from a lifetime. Sometimes, I just know. My brain pieces these together, I suppose.
Because my brain is slow (I am human and I don’t have a direct line to the other side), sometimes my body kicks in to help my brain describe something I’m picking up. For example, I can start rubbing my back before my mouth formulates the words “back pain.” And yes, I always feel them. Again, different to describe because it’s not like feeling a presence of someone living next to you. I am not sure language was created for something like this yet.
What is a session like? How do you conduct your sessions and what should I or someone that has never been to a medium, expect?
A session is quite simple. It is a 3-way conversation between me, my client and a loved one (or a few) from the other side. We sit and we chat. My role is similar to that of a language translator. I relay to my client what is being relayed to me. It’s that simple. Things don’t jump up and down. Candles don’t flicker, mostly because I don’t burn any. Nor do I say spells, chant or rub crystals or any other cliché you would see on TV. Again, it is a simple three-way conversation.
Why do people reach out to a medium? How many of your clients have seen you out of curiosity and do you have many repeat or regular clients?
People reach out to me for different reasons. Some need closure, some are looking for a reunion of sorts, and others are searching for some answers. Honestly, I can’t remember a person who came to see me on his/her own accord out of curiosity (if I had one or two, clearly it was not that memorable). I have had a few who said that someone else ‘gifted’ them a reading and that they would never do it themselves, because they were skeptical and scientific and logical, etc., etc., etc. I always explain to them that the other side does not exist based on their belief or disbelief, nor will I do my job differently based on that.
I would say about 90% of my clients are referrals from their friends and family (I don’t advertise anywhere). About 50-55% or so become repeat clients. I don’t see them that often because I always tell them that if they have the need to see me more than once a year, perhaps they are looking for something that neither I, nor the other side can give them (i.e. therapy?)
My tarot clients, on the other hand, at least 80-90% of them return regularly. They come in when they need to resolve a specific issue or just figure out a way forward. But that’s a whole other story.
Finally, I'm guessing you've run across your fair share of doubters and haters over the years. How have you handled this and have you done anything to change their minds?
I am not here to change their minds. I am here to deliver messages from the other side. On the other hand, I have had a few people who just went through my Google profile and gave me a bad review, even though I never met them, or trying to promote someone else. Luckily, these are few and far in between. People have issues (heck, we all have issues), so who knows what’s behind that? I just do my best to move on and continue to do what I do and concentrate on my clients.
Most of them are very lovely people, and I enjoy working with them very much.
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The context of sin was sort of warped in my family, as my mother used to bust it out for the purposes of punishment, keeping a mental log and reminding me of everything I did wrong over the past few months so I could have a full, lengthy confession. Therapy, man. Therapy.
Whether you believe in God or not, Jesus of Nazareth was a person.
My favorite character, played flawlessly by the brilliant Allan Arbus.
I’ve never really had a reason to or an interest in what they might say.
The home is now a museum dedicated to the lives and “work” of the Fox sisters.
Rochester. It’s always Rochester.
Smithsonian Magazine has a really interesting piece on the family.
It will come as no surprise that I have the same “meh” for mediums as I do priests. If it makes you feel better, have at it. I don’t have to believe it for me to be happy for you. As long as you aren’t being take advantage of.